How do I get my brother to actually help?
Stop asking for help. Start assigning tasks.
'Can you help out more' is a feeling, and feelings are easy to dodge. 'I need you Tuesdays, noon to six, starting the fifteenth' is a thing with edges. People say yes to edges.
Put it in writing and send it to all of them at once. A group text, a shared calendar, an email. The sibling who does nothing does nothing in private. Take the privacy away and watch what changes.
And if he still will not come, hear me: that is information, not a verdict on you. Some people never show up. That is its own loss and it deserves its own grief, kept separate from the caregiving. Then build your plan around the people who actually answer the phone.
More tough questions
- Is it wrong that I sometimes wish it was over?
- Am I allowed to move her into a facility?
- What do I do when she doesn't know who I am?
- How am I supposed to afford this?
- What if I resent her?
- Do I have to forgive her first?
- How do I tell my job?
- What happens to me when this is over?
- Why don't I feel anything anymore?